Holidays
This will probably be my final post for a while… weeks, months… I don’t know. To say I am well would obviously be ficticious, so I’ll just say that we’re still on two feet and surviving. My heartache could never be conveyed through the simplicity of words. Today should have been Collin and Miller’s “birth”day, but instead Craig and I spent the morning picking out a grave marker. I am still in disbelief that God has done this to me and made me suffer as a mother… again. I am heart broken… mad as hell… barely able to move at times… can’t seem to run out of tears, but then… I look on the floor next to me right now while Warren is having a seizure and am sooo grateful to have him to live for. Thank you for letting this blessing of a child be with me for without him, well… I dread the thought.
I write this to wish you genuinely a wonderful holiday season. Don’t waste your breath wishing me one, but we know that lives continue as ours has stopped for the moment. We love each and every one of you, whether we have met you face to face or not. The cards… the emails… the messages… they are all so humbling and such a sign that if nothing else, the McManus clan is one loved family. If you have called and I didn’t answer… if you have left a message that I haven’t returned… please don’t take it personally. To be frank and honest, I’m just not in the mood. I cry enough. The lady at the monument place today as soon as I said my last name was McManus fell apart. She doesn’t even know us and just wept for our family. Our loss is great, and so please forgive me for not getting back to you.
Since this website is about Warren, he is doing just fine. Luckily, he has no idea what is happening in our family and is carrying on just like Warren does. He’s probably rolled over 5 times during the course of this email. He is my saving grace. He decided to give Mommy and Daddy something to be happy about. It’s been quite a while since I shared poop stories with you (probably thankfully to most of you), but Warren has not been an independent pooper in a year and a half. For some reason and out of the blue, he’s pooping on his own for the past week and half. In our house, that’s a HUGE Hallelujah! We do a happy poop dance around here even in the midst of our grief because that’s another little piece of Warren coming back.
Okay, I am done. I will be coping with my life for a while, so I’ll see you all in due time. Feel free to write or email any time. I do love to read messages just do me a favor… don’t tell me that God doesn’t give us more than we can handle. I believe that to be the truth, but it’s one of those that’s creeping up my nerves these days. I’m crabby and honest. 
We love you and wish you good tidings for your holiday and 2010!
An angel in the book of life wrote down our baby’s birth. Then whispered as she closed the book, “Too beautiful for earth.” -author unknown
Many blessings,
Craig, Amy, and Warren (with two sweet angels watching over all of us)
December 21st, 2009 at 2:57 pm
I started to send you one of the blow-up boxing dolls ’cause I know for a fact that I would need to express my anger, disbelief, frustration, and pain without hurting anyone else! Please take care of yourself, dear Amy, and let your body heal so you will, in time, have the strength to tackle your emotional pain. Love and hugs,
June
December 21st, 2009 at 3:34 pm
Yea for a pooping Warren!
I’ll miss your updates on Warren but I’ll check in personally.
Much love on this painful day and always.
December 21st, 2009 at 6:02 pm
Hello,,,thanks for the note,,,,I look for an update many times a day,,oh such good news of poop,,,,,,,and soooo glad our little man is doing good,,,take whatever time you need,,,,,just remember we are all here wishing and praying the best for you all. Merry Christmas,,,,we love you all ,,Ray and Frances Whittaker
December 21st, 2009 at 7:40 pm
To My Dear Friend, Amy…..
I love you dearly and pray for your strength during this devastating time. I pray that you find strength from those that surround you with love.
I smile and giggle at Warren’s “Pooping Party.” I will continue to pray that it continues….
xoxoxox
December 21st, 2009 at 7:59 pm
Dear Amy -
Since this is Warren’s site - a very big “WooHoo!!” for Warren’s “pooping” on his own. I pray he will continue to come back, more and more each day.
I’ve been reading this blog since the day you created it so I know this is very much a part of your healing process too. We all love you Amy and ache for this loss you and Craig are having to endure. Your family is in our hearts, our thoughts, our prayers every single day and please never think otherwise. Take as much time as you need to mourn for your sweet little boys and then come back and “talk” to us. We’ll be here, ready to listen and offer words of comfort, encouragement, and love. Love, Sue
December 21st, 2009 at 8:09 pm
Amy, I am Danyl’s Mom - there are no words to say to you but that I pray and think about you so much. I wish I could say that I can tell you that I understand or give you some words to help you through, but the truth is I don’t have any. I know if I were with you I would put my arms around you and we would cry together. I say my prayers for you, your husband, Warren and your babies. I will continue to pray for you and send you love. I hope to see you on a visit to North Carolina. Sent to you with sadness in my heart for the loss of your sons and because you are given such a heavy cross to carry. Love, Donna Gaiter
December 22nd, 2009 at 5:16 am
Dear Amy,
” The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” Psalms 34:18
I am praying so hard for you, Craig and Warren.
Love,
Aggie
December 22nd, 2009 at 8:33 am
Thank you for this posting Amy - just knowing you are planning to be ‘gone’ for awhile will help us to not become panicky in a few weeks when noone has heard from you. Take as much time as you need….we will all be waiting here for you whenever you feel it’s time to come back. I’ll be praying for all of you. And Yeah Warren for giving his parents a reason for a “happy poop dance”!
Love and Hugs, Sarah
December 22nd, 2009 at 4:46 pm
Amy,
You, Craig, and Warren are in my daily thoughts and prayers. My heart is broken for you. I am thankful that you have Warren … to give you much happiness and love and for you and Craig to love in return. I will be checking every few days to see if you have updated the blog on how Warren is doing. As so many others have said, take as much time as you need. We will all be waiting here for you. Sending much love from Georgia!
Julie
December 26th, 2009 at 4:19 pm
Just checking in to say Hi and let you know that you are thought of alot. Christmas must have been so different than what you were looking forward to…I’m so sorry! I hope there was at least a moment of two of joy in there somewhere for all of you. Take Care. Hugs, Sarah
December 30th, 2009 at 2:23 pm
Just a quick “Hi” to let you know I’m thinking about you. I’ll pray that 2010 will be a kinder year for you and your family! Hugs, Sarah
December 30th, 2009 at 6:53 pm
Just checking in on you, Craig, and Warren. I am still thinking about you and praying for each of you daily.